Trigger warning: This post discusses suicide and may be triggering for some readers. If you are struggling, please reach out to your GP, call 999, or contact The Samaritans Helpline or Papyrus Helpline ( if you are aged 18–35) for support.

September is Suicide Prevention Month

This September, in recognition of Suicide Prevention Month, I want to share my perspective on what it’s like to have a family member attempt suicide. My hope is to de-stigmatise suicide, highlight the need for better support and understanding, and show the profound impact it can have on loved ones.

Why I don’t believe suicide is selfish

The idea that suicide is selfish is something I completely disagree with. Here’s why:

It’s not about character. Suicide attempts usually come from unbearable pain, whether long-term or due to mental illness, where there can be a sudden, severe drop in mood. People who attempt suicide are not trying to hurt their loved ones, they want to stop the pain.

People can still care deeply. Those who attempt suicide often feel like a burden to others, even if this isn’t true. Their actions come from suffering, not a lack of love or empathy.
Perspective can be distorted. Hopelessness, trauma, or mental illness can make it feel like there are no other options, even when support exists.

A memory that stays with me

I remember being on a train to a suicide prevention training for work. The train got stuck mid-journey, and a train crew member announced that someone had taken their life on the tracks, delaying our journey. A wave of sadness hit me but then a woman on the train loudly called the person selfish, complaining about being late.

I was frustrated and saddened. Someone had been in so much pain that they made this choice. Their suffering mattered far more than anyone’s inconvenience. This moment showed me how misunderstood suicide can be, and how urgently we need compassion instead of judgment.

Supporting a loved one

After my family member attempted suicide, I focused on support in ways that might help others:

Communicating regularly with medical staff to understand their care.
Hospital visits and calls to show presence and concern.
Small gestures like flowers or a teddy bear to show love and care.
Being non-judgmental and giving space to process, while letting them know I was always there.

How it felt for me

Knowing I could have lost someone I love was overwhelming. Luckily, my loved one survived, but the experience brought long term grief, fear, sadness, numbness, and ongoing waves of anxiety about it happening again. Supporting someone through this is difficult, it requires patience, compassion, and gentleness towards both the loved one and yourself.

You don’t always know the pain that people carry, please remember to always try to be kind.

Moving forward

I hope that as a society, we can create sensitive, open conversations about suicide. It is not shameful, and it deserves understanding, attention, and care.

If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or ideation, please seek help immediately — contact your GP, call 999, or reach out to:

The Samaritans – 116 123
Papyrus HOPELINE – 0800 068 4141 (for ages 18–35)

Breaking the Stigma: Suicide Awareness Month