Why I’m Grateful for Every Love Story, even the Broken Ones
There’s beauty in the fact that you felt for someone, that you found them lovable and irresistible and cared so much. It’s never a waste
No Connection is a Waste of Time
I’m going to be honest: I realised I was in need of healing due to dating and love. That was the catalyst, and it led me to realise radical self-love and understanding were needed, but also to appreciate everything that had happened to me and everyone who’s come into my life. Maybe it isn’t as straightforward as “good” and “bad.”
Everything is a lesson and an experience. Things not working out or making wrong choices, though ideally we’d make fewer of them, isn’t a bad thing. There’s beauty in the fact that you felt for someone, that you found them lovable and irresistible and cared so much. This shows what you are capable of feeling. It’s never a waste. This is real-life poetry.
If someone made a mistake with you, it’s their loss but forgive them. This doesn’t necessarily mean letting them back into your life. Forgiveness is healing for you too; it’s not just about the other person. And if you’re creative, these feelings can be beautiful inspiration to make something meaningful.
I’ve been hurt, but I wouldn’t change those feelings because they show me I cared, and that’s important to me. I love that I have seen the beauty in people even through their imperfections, got excited about them, and shared special moments. I love that people have seen the inner and outer beauty in me and wanted to dig deeper. Life can get complicated though.
My insecurities, fears, and reactions in dating, which I once viewed as a source of shame and confusion, led me to wonder where this came from. That reflection took me back to childhood and my upbringing, and it was key in understanding how I operate not just in love but in life.
Connections and relationships show you what you like and don’t like, what your boundaries are, how you want and don’t want to be treated, and give you insight into what’s important. What you want is specific to you in love, don’t let society tell you who you should love. It’s important to work out your own values.
Rather than blaming yourself if a connection or relationship doesn’t work, I’ve found it helpful to sit down and write what you liked. It’s good to be honest with yourself. In love we should have standards, but I believe in following your heart and not in black-and-white “shoulds,” while still knowing your worth and your needs. You can also write down everything you don’t want, whether it comes from specific situations or simply your intuition. If you want to symbolise letting it go, you could burn that piece of paper.
Imagine your highest self, someone who deserves the best. In the past you may have operated from a place of low self-worth and tolerated behaviour that wasn’t what you deserved. If you have a best friend, you’d want her to be with a man who is gentle with her, thinks the world of her, adores and respects her. You deserve this too. Imagine you are your own best friend and think about what you truly deserve.
“If he wanted to, he would” isn’t necessarily true.
You could be perfect in every way for someone, but they aren’t in a moment of life to give you what you deserve
Sometimes people make excuses and let you down the easy way because they didn’t feel the connection was quite right, and honesty would be better but they didn’t want to hurt you. This happens.
This isn’t true in all cases. Sometimes someone can think you’re amazing but they aren’t ready. They may be struggling with their own self-worth, direction, or what they’re carrying in life. You could be perfect for someone, and they still let you go even if they want you a lot and come to regret it. Maybe this is even more heartbreaking, because it leaves you wondering what could have been. But you weren’t unlovable or less. Even if it’s painful that someone couldn’t follow through, if they saw your worth, imagine how much more it will mean when someone sees it and can fully show up.
Sometimes people can hold up a mirror for you. Getting personal, because I’m not perfect, I realised that the people who showed me passion and intensity but not consistency were reflecting how I felt inside. I understood that in order to be that person, both for myself and someone else, I needed to give myself the consistency that was missing in order to receive it.
Also, if someone isn’t treating you the way you deserve, however attached you feel, walk away. This is one of the most powerful things you can do and one of the highest forms of self-respect. It’s better to be alone, even if it’s hard. This is where knowing yourself and self-love come in.
Love yourself so much regardless, and when that’s hard, acceptance is the crucial.
The key is self-love and your relationship with yourself, and I believe this is the secret to loving someone else in a pure way
Earlier I wrote about not following “shoulds” and following your heart, but this comes with cultivating self-love, self-reflection, and understanding. If you’re letting triggers and insecurities rule your decisions, this isn’t your most authentic version of love. Honour the fact that you may have gone for someone who didn’t behave well and tolerated things you shouldn’t have. That version of you didn’t know better. You were doing your best with what you knew, longing to be loved, scared and still learning your worth and that isn’t wrong. You can evolve.
On a closing note, your story was meant to unfold the way it has holding lessons, pain, longing, frustration, moments of beauty, and inspiration for growth. Whether that leads to a soulmate, deeper self-acceptance, or both. Romantic love matters, but remember: you are love. The people you touch in all areas of your life, that is love in you. You are the love of your life, from the beginning to the end.
